Mount Moriah

Abraham was promised by God that he would be the father of many nations, yet by age 99 he still hadn't had a child of his own. Not to mention that fact that his wife, Sarah, was up there in age too and way beyond child bearing years. Yet, when God makes a promise He keeps it, afterall, He is God. So after many years of waiting on this promise to come to pass, finally at the age of 100, Abraham's son,Isaac, was born. He loved him so very much. Possibly too much. Because one day God ask Abraham to take his son Isaac, and go up to Mt.Moriah and sacrifice him as a burnt offering. Abraham loved God so much, that the next morning he loaded a donkey with firewood, took two of his servants, and his precious, long awaited promise of a son, Isaac, and with a very heavy heart headed out to do as the Lord ask of him.
Most of us know the story well. Abraham stopped at the place the Lord showed him, built an alter, and tied his son, Isaac, down upon the firewood for the sacrifice the Lord had required. As Abraham lifted the knife up high, I'm certain with tears in his eyes and a cry in his heart, to plunge it into his beloved son, an angel of the Lord shouted,"Abraham, Abraham, don't harm your son. I know now you love God more than you love your son..." Then Abraham looked and saw a ram caught in a thicket and sacrificed it on the alter instead of Isaac. Then Abraham called that place, Jehovah Jireh, the Lord will provide.
I've often thought, why on earth would God promise Abraham this precious son, and have him wait on this promise for so many years, only building the love and anticipation, then ask him to sacrifice this promise as a burnt offering unto Him. The only thing I can come up with is that Abraham must have grown to love Isaac so very much that his love for him must have made God jealous. Exodus 20:4 tells us we are to make no idols of any kind and place them above God. He is a jealous God and will share his affection with no one or thing.

I have trudged up Mount Moriah several times in my life and have laid down my Isaacs on the alter, to my God, in surrender to His request. I've had dreams and yes, promises from God that He has asked me to sacrifice. I've lifted the knife and have anticipated a voice from heaven stopping me before I plunge it into my dream or promise, yet none has come. So with tears and sobs, and a heart crushed with sorrow and pain, I've sacrificed my dreams and promises to my God that I love more than any thing else. Did I love these things more than God? I don't think so for a second. If God promised me I could have them, why did He ask me to give them up? I don't have all the answers, but I trust the One who does. He is Jehovah Jireh, He will provide.

So as I journey up Mount Moriah, once again, and willingly lay, yet, another "Isaac" on the alter, it becomes a little easier with each climb. The obedience to sacrifice is a little less begrudging and the surrender is more a release of trust, knowing He will provide a ram instead, but if not, He has something far better in store. I trust Him. I dearly love Him. I believe I have proven that as I lay my Isaacs down.

Prince Charming

Just like a story in a fairytale writen long ago,
The wicked one had cast an evil spell, on one the story goes.
She fell asleep, no more to wake in darkness she would be,
To never know a love so strong and true, but the story changed you see.
Out from the darkness, came a knight riding galantly,
A kiss of love would break the evil spell and set his true love free.

Chorus:
You see, she knew him as her saviour, the one who set her free,
No more to lie in such darkness, for the wicked spell did flee,
Because the love of someone so great, she found her Price Charming.

Well, my story is somewhat the same, but not so long ago,
The evil one had me bound in sin, so my story goes.
I was slipping into darkness, dying more each day,
I never knew Someone could love me, in a very special way.
But from the darkness came a Light, that light was Jesus Christ,
He died to take away the curse of death, and set my spririt free.

2nd Chorus:
You see I know him as my Saviour, the one who died for me,
No more to be bound in such darkness, for He came to rescue me,
He's the love that I have longed for and oh, so much more.
You see I know Him as my Prince of Peace,
But He's Prince Charming to Me.
Yes, I know Him as my Prince of Peace, but He's Prince Charming to me.

NuNu

My husband and I have been watching our 3 grandchildren every evening while their dad goes to visit my daughter, his wife, in the hospital. So each evening, around 5:30 we arrive with supper, snacks and bible story book in tow.

Well, my 2 year old grandson, Justice, has had a little swelling of the nunu over the last few days. For those of you who do not know what a nunu is, well, it is the lower private parts of the male or female body. I'm certain I don't need to go into any more details, as I believe you get the picture. I'm not sure where the term really originated from, but my sister in law first enlightened me on this new word for these private parts many many years ago. Anyway, Justice's nunu has been very very swollen and red for a few days now. So swollen, in fact, that it is approximently 3 times the size that it normally is or should be.
This evening as we arrived at the door, we were greeted by "YAYA!" as were their yells of excitement upon our arrival. Toogie was wearing her Rapunzel wig, Chippy wearing one sock on and one sock of,f as he came crawling rapidly to me, and Justice, well, Justice was wearing nothing. Yep, stark naked on this winter day, with his bold red, swollen nunu practically flashing like a neon sign. Well, that is naked, all but the thick layer of vaseline which covered the whole protrusion. His father thought it would be a great idea to just let him run around naked, let it air out and hang free, instead of having it smashed into a diaper, making things quite painful for the little guy.
As he wrapped his little arms around my legs to hug me, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Here is this sweet little boy, so soft spoken, laid back and shy(most of the time), running around the house without a stitch of clothing on, with a very oversized, red, vaseline covered nunu, literally sticking out for all to easily see, and not a hint of inhibition in his actions or character. Hmmm, I thought to myself, I wonder where he got such immodesty from? But before I could make my thought verbal, Leighton injected, "He did not get this immodesty from me OR his mom." I just stood smiling, as all fingers pointed to me. "Guilty," was all I could say.
After I finished feeding the kids and cleaning up the kitchen, we all 5 gathered on the couch for a bible story in which I would 'pretend' to read. But it's really more like narrarting and acting out instead, as the story book is writen for much older children than my audience of a 5 year old, 2 year old and 8 month old. Popcorn was freshly popped for everyone by their Poppy, and all were settled in their place, ready with eager little ears to hear the dialogue and story of Cain and Able. As my drama unfolded, I couldn't help but take in the pleasure of seeing such a precious sight on the couch in that humble little apartment. Toogie, the 5 year old, was sitting next to me, with her little popcorn bowl between her legs, Chippy, the 8 month old, was sitting on Poppy's lap with both little hands trying to dig into the white fluffy kernels and sweet, naked Justice, age 2, was wedged in between Poppy and Toogie with both of his fits and mouth completely stuff with his buttery morsels. They loved hearing bible stories, especially Toog, or was it that they just loved the over acting and dramatization of their Yaya?
As I concluded the story and closed up the book, we all proceeded to get up from the couch. Toog, being the most aggressive bounced off first, then Poppy stood up with Chippy still in his arms, and as Justice struggled to scoot to the edge of the couch and stand up, we all burst into laughter. His whole little nunu was covered in white pieces and crumbs from the popcorn which had dropped from his hands and mouth right into his vaselined 'area.' I could not stop laughing. My husband kept telling me to stop laughing and clean it off for him. Justice just stood there, frozen, looking down at his collection of leftover popcorn which has collected onto his nunu. He seemed puzzled as if he didn't understand how it had gotten there. I was on my hands and knees in front of him but I couldn't stop laughing. I pulled my camera out of my pants pocket to take a picture of this solemn faced little naked angel with the unusal nunu problem, and my husband said, "Don't you dare." I put my head down on the floor and roared in laughter.
Poor Justice. He didn't care if I took a picture of him or not(remember he has the modesty of his Yaya) or if I bothered to pick the popcorn pieces off of him, since it hurt when he was touched. He just could not understand why his YaYa was laughing so hysterically at his perdicament.
Maybe it was just pent up emotions. Maybe I just needed a really good belly laugh in the midst of all the trials and heartache I am walking through. Or maybe it was just the site of seeing a hugely swollen, vaseline coated nunu, covered with broken popcorn pieces all over it. Whatever the reason, I just couldn't help but smile, as I carefully removed the sticky popcorn kernels, and I thanked God for giving me grandkids. They are indeed a comfort and joy when your world seems to be spinning out of control, inspite of a swollen red nunu.

I AM YOUR CHILD

I am your child, and I know
That I'll not focus on things below
But I will set my heart to rejoice
On your unfailing love.

I lift my hands up and praise your name
Cause in the darkness your love remains.
My heart is steadfast and I choose
To renew my mind in you.

I am your child I'm not the same
Since I've called out upon your name.
And I believe that your Word restores
Every part of me.

The devil lies and he tries to steal
You Word from me, but I know it's real.
I choose to walk this life by faith
To please you Father God.

I am your child, I am your child
I am your child.
I am your child, I am your child
I am your child.

Heartbroke

While Molly was pregnant with Justice, my first grandson, she wasn't having much to do with us. It just broke my heart. No matter how much she tried, or didnt try to explain why she was cutting herself off, it made absolutely no sense to me. If it was suppose to be some sort of punishment, it wasn't. It was heartbreak. Yes, I missed Toogie(Kylie), my first grandbaby, but I was more saddened by Molly and what was going on in her mind and heart.

When Toog was born, I was there in the midst of one of the worst snow storms we had had in years. Molly wanted me there. It was wonderful experiencing labor and delivery with my only daughter and holding my new grandbaby only seconds after she was born, and spending many days with her aferwards. But it was not so with the birth of Justice three years later. Somehow we had become the enemy. I still have no idea how or why this all happened. She needed her space, didn't want to be around us, etc. etc. We obliged her wishes and kept the miles and distance apart. She made it clear she didn't want us there for the birth of Justice. For a mother to hear those words from her own daughter, was like asking me to not be present for the birth of my own child. I never knew such a request from my daughter could exist, yet it did. So I didn't find out when Justice was born until 2 days after his birth. I will never forget it. I was sitting at the computer answering an email to a friend of mine in California when I got a phone call from my son Adam. Adam said, "Mom, I just found out from a friend on facebook that had commented about Molly having her baby." I asked, "when?" He said, "October 31st." I was stunned. I could hardly speak, but I mustered up the response, "wow." He replied,"I'm sorry mom, I don't know why she would do this to you." I hung up the phone and immediately needed air. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Out of nowhere the tears began to flow. As I past through the house, my husband stopped me to ask me why I was crying. I merely said, "Molly gave birth to Justice 2 days ago. Adam just found out through a friend and called to tell me." He stood motionless and then shook his head. He didn't have to say a word, I knew what he was thinking, merely saddness for Molly. I continued walking straight through the dining room, through the living room and out the front door. By the time I reached the end of the sidewalk and my feet hit the grass, I was completely oblivious to the crisp fall air, beautiful fall colors, and quietness of the morning. All I could hear was the sound of my cries growing louder and louder as I walked down the gravel road. All I could see was my own tears welling up in my eyes. I moaned. I sobbed. My heart was hurting so much I didn't think I could endure it. As I rounded the curve of our long drive, my neighbors buckskin and paint horses came trotting up to greet me as they did each morning I walked. Only this time I didn't stop to give them an apple from my tree or pat their soft noses. They followed me down the fenceline, almost to the end of the road, before giving up on any chance of my attention. Pain and heartache have a way of shutting out anything and anyone around, as you turn inward to try to cope. But turning inward never solves anything. When I got to the end of the drive and onto the road, I started to pray. I cried out to God, "Lord, help me. I feel I am dying I am hurting so much. I need to feel your presence right now." I bent over the ditch in front of me and coughed and cried until I threw up. I stood up and took a deep breath and wiped my eyes, and right in front of me, on the branch of a locust tree was a red cardinal. I couldn't help but manage a small smile in the face of my pain. I simply loved cardinals, loved birds, in fact, just loved nature, period. In that moment, I sensed a little peace come over me. I whispered, "Thank you God, that you never turn your back on me, and you ALWAYS give me something to smile about." I continued my walk and I opened my mouth and started to sing a new song to the Lord. Even with puffy, swollen eyes and a badly beat up heart, the spirit inside of this newly made grandma for the second time, wanted to reach out to the one who never rejects me... my Lord. If I couldn't hold my precious new grandson, or place a kiss on the forehead of my beautiful daughter, I could still be in the presence of the one who never breaks my heart. And so I sang,"Lord I hunger for your righteousness, Lord I'm thirsty for your holiness, Lord I'm longing for your loveliness, it's in your presence Lord, I am at rest...."

Lord I Hunger

Lord I hunger for your righteousness
Lord I'm thirsty for your holiness
Lord I'm longing for your loveliness
It's in your Presence Lord, I am at rest.

Chorus:
I find my peace renewed in you
I find my joy abounds a new
I feel your love surrounding me
I know your Word has set me free.

Lord when I wake each morning new
You are the strength that sees me through
From darkest night to dawning light
I give my life, my all to you.
(Chorus:)

Lord in your presence is where I belong
I life my hands and sing love songs
My hearts ablaze as I seek your face
Nothing else will do, but give praise to you.
(Chorus:)